Friends, as you may or may not know, The Man and I are in our forties. Our late forties. But when it comes to sex, it just so happens this decade is taking the carrot cake.
Now, I don’t want to say too much, which is why I’ll be using rabbits to illustrate what’s really gone on during our glorious forties with regards to sex. Compared to what I was led to believe would happen, it couldn’t be more of a contrast.
Please make sure you’re either a bunny or an adult before you read about the following bunny antics. Thank you.
Firstly, what I thought would happen:
Rabbit 1: Honeybun, there’s just no corn in the vegetable patch!
Rabbit 2: How (b)unfortunate. I had a yen to nibble on some corn, but I think I know why there isn’t any. Because we’re too old!
Rabbit 1: I’ve been told that once you get to our age, corn just seems too exhausting. Here’s a question I’ve heard posed on the subject: How would we get into those tricky-yet-exciting positions in order to pluck said corn with our rabbit-teeth?
Rabbit 2: Hop me backwards! I’ve heard that too.
Rabbit 1: So, maybe it’s best to just expect less corn.
Rabbit 2: Yeah. Even though we might want to run at that corn, our bunny-tails riding high, we should probably just stick to carrots. Seems a bunny-plucking shame, but there we are.
*communal sigh*
Secondly, what has actually happened:
Rabbit 1: Great Scot! Have you seen the absolutely bunny-muckin’ harvest of corn in the yard?
Rabbit 2: I truly wasn’t expecting this abundance of corn! My front teeth just can’t seem to stop nibbling.
Rabbit 1: And these days, I feel so comfortable with corn! I know just how to stuff it between my front teeth and chow on it joyfully without worrying about stereotypes. And it slips down a treat! No worries there.
Rabbit 2: I’m sorry … stereotypes?
Rabbit 1: Oh you know. Some folks say that once we buns reach a certain age, we have to look “sexy” as we burrow for the goodies. “Sexy,” I’ve heard it said, means “youthful-looking.”
Rabbit 2: What ageist fool said that???
Rabbit1: Also, it turns out that “sexy” looks different for everyone.
Rabbit 2: Agreed! Butter my powder puff if those stereotypes aren’t nonsense.
Rabbit 1: Honestly, I’m more into corn than I’ve ever been! The gossip-bunnies said the vegetable patch would just dry up, but even the carrots are moist!
Rabbit 2: What a lesson in listening to our own veggie patch. If we want corn, we have corn. If we’re more in a bask-in-the-sun mood, great.
Rabbit 1: Word.
Thank you, rabbits! And friends, please don’t let anyone sell you a doom-and-gloom scenario about your sex life as you get older. I was sold plenty of those and none of them turned out to be true.
On the other hand, if corn isn’t your thing, why keep nibbling it? You do you, bunny-boo.
Take care, my friends.
Romancey Pants 