Star: When I first moved from the U.K. to Massachusetts, I couldn’t order bear claws for the life of me.
Duck: I can’t believe you used to remove the claws from bears!
Star: A bear claw is a sweet pastry, duck-friend. Anyway, here’s how the conversation would go:
Me: A bear claw, please.
Panera Person: I’m sorry? You want what?
Me: (Unsurely) A … bear claw?
Panera Person: (Clearly puzzled) What’s that now?”
Me: Bear claw? …
At this point, I’d claw at the air and growl—an action that usually made the people behind me snicker. (Or “snigger,” if you’re from the U.K.) And suddenly, my bear performance would hit the spot and a smile would leap to the Panera person’s face. “Oh a bear claw!” they’d say.
I’d give a thumbs-up, and everyone would grin heartily—except those who were in a pond-slop kind of mood.
Duck: So … what the duck does this have to do with audiobooks, Star?
Star: Well, when audiobook narrators are A.I. narrators, they sometimes have the “bear claw” problem. As in, the A.I. clearly doesn’t get it.
Duck: Fortunately, A.I. narrators seldom have a problem pronouncing “duck.” I mean, “duck” is a salt-of-the-earth word that’s ducking easy to master—unless, like my pal Sir Mallard Jones, you’ve had too much pondweed champagne.
Star: But from listening to Harlequin audiobooks, I’d say crying salt tears is more of an issue for AI. After all, context is everything. Take the word “tears” for instance. It can mean salt tears sliding down your face or it can mean rips, as in “tears in the fabric.”
Duck: See, that’s helpful. For a while, I thought the heroine in our latest A.I. audiobook needed medical attention in the face area. It got a bit Freddie and Jason, frankly.
Star: And what about the stupid cakes, Duck? As in, “I really don’t want one of those stupid cakes.”
Duck: A.I. pronounces it as stupid cakes, as if the reason our hero is grumpy is because three of his buttercream cupcakes are acting the fool, and he’d much prefer one of the smart ones.
Star: A.I. finds context harder than swallowing a feather boa.
Duck: “I shouldn’t be running at my age” is pretty simple for we ducks to work out, but when our hero states that he shouldn’t be running AT his age, it makes us wonder if “his age” has, you know, a very specific “running phobia.”
Star: That’s before we’ve even discussed characterization. I mean, take a super-ducking awesome audiobook like The Cost of the Forbidden by Carol Marinelli (very enjoyable if you’re into Harlequin Presents,) narrated by Justine Eyre. With this book, you get a professional reader who not only gives the hero a fabulous Russian accent, but who also does a bang-up job with inflections, depth, variation, expression—in short, her narrative voice is rich, round, smooth, and gloriously adaptable. And rather posh and English. But that’s fun too.
Duck: Listening to that book is like floating on a moonlit pond while listening to Mozart and nibbling a pondweed vol-au-vent.
Star: Right! But the A.I.-narrated Harlequin audiobooks we’ve heard are very unvaried. The A.I. voice sounds surprisingly human, but it’s so often the same. And in romance, which is all about emotions, this can end up being a tadge on the dry side—like Duck’s flippers when they come out of the dryer.
Duck: OMD, don’t remind me!
Anyway, we’ve just started listening to the audiobook of The Nurse’s Reunion Wish, which is also by Carol Marinelli (you can see who we enjoy!) and it’s narrated by Amberley, an Apple books digital voice. Well, duck me backwards with a bargepole because this poor hero Dr. Dominic Hadley constantly sounds like he’s about to snatch your goldfish burger, rip it up, and toss it to the ground with a snarl on his quacker. And he sounds this way all the way through the early pages.
Star: You mean he sounds angry, right?
Duck: Well, he’s grumpy at the least. And far ducking grumpier than he’d be if you were reading the book to yourself on a calm summer’s day.
Star: Poor Dominic Hadley! It makes me not like our hero very much, which is by no means the fault of the author. I mean, how someone reads to us can flavor the story quite strongly. Voice is important! It can either leave our flippers dull and lifeless or fill them with sparkly pep!
Duck: Word! So why do we think A.I.-audiobooks are a good thing, Star?
Star: Well, to answer that, I’ll tell you this: Many years ago, when I first moved to this country, I volunteered at a very cool charity called MAB in Watertown, MA. In short, I narrated novels, nonfiction books, leaflets, maps, and more, so that blind people and visually impaired listeners could access them.
Duck: Super-ducking awesome! So, how does this relate to A.I?
Star: Well, these days, when I go into Apple iBooks and look for my next great romance audiobook, often there’s very little choice—especially when it comes to lines like, say, Harlequin Medical. I understand why. I mean, audiobooks cost money to make. But I’m always thinking about how hard this is for people who are visually impaired or blind … or those who, for some other reason, can’t easily access written texts.
But you know what? This is changing because of A.I! Suddenly, I’m noticing more Harlequin Medical audiobooks going up for sale. And a lot of them seem to be read by A.I. narrators. Boom!
Duck: So in terms of accessibility and inclusion, A.I-narrated audiobooks are kicking tuft!
Star: Quite right! (Btw, Duck’s “tuft” is his butt.)
Duck: Well, it’s the tufty bit of my tuft.
Star: Sorry, I stand corrected. Anyway, another reason these A.I.-narrated books rock my flippers is that they’re much cheaper to buy. So folks who are on a limited budget may suddenly find they’re able to access audio formats!
Duck: So audiobooks are YET AGAIN kicking tuft in an inclusive way!
Star: Exactly! So every time I roll my eyes and say, “Oh gosh, does he really sound that grumpy ALL the way through chapter one?” Or “What on EARTH do you mean by that, A.I. narrator?” I remind myself that these audiobooks are an incredible blessing—not just for me, but for those who find it harder to access audiobooks. And you’d be amazed how patient that makes me!
Duck: Also, when Amberley, Apple’s A.I. voice, is narrating with a British-sounding voice and pronounces “eclair” as “eclaa,” it’s a rather fun puzzle. And a posh-sounding puzzle too!
Star: It’s true. Duck thought “eclaa” had something to do with heckling.
Duck: Turns out it’s a cream cake! And I ducking love cream cakes!
Star: Even when you get cream in your beak-holes?
Duck: Especially.
Star: Nice!
Duck: So, flippers up for A.I.-narrated audiobooks!
Star: Flippers up indeed! Please keep producing these, Harlequin, Apple, and others! Even if your cream cakes sound posher and less likely, you’re rocking our feathers and making your books so much more accessible. What’s not to love about that?
Duck: Duck yes! Quack quack quack!
Romancey Pants 