Sir Mallard: GREETINGS, DEAR FRIENDS OF ROMANCEY PANTS! And moi, obviously. It’s “your duck,” Sir Mallard Jones, Duke of Hampshire County, and I’m here today to tell you all about my experiences watching a fantastic film titled Summer Villa—a Hallmark Channel original!
What struck me most at first, other than Duck T’s flipper as he insisted I get my “damn duck head out of the way of the TV,” was how instantly captivated I was watching a woman (Terry, played by Hilarie Burton) struggle with writer’s block as she writes a follow-up to her previously successful books. Then, on the other side of town, was this strikingly gorgeous and talented celebrity chef (Matthew, played by Victor Webster) who, for reasons I can’t remember, started making and serving unsavory food in his restaurant.
Jake: Well, at least according to one restaurant reviewer. I don’t think he intended to make “uninspired” food.
Sir Mallard: Quiet down, dear boy! I’ve got the stage now!
Jake: Pardon me. Carry on.
Sir Mallard: Long movie short, Terry’s agent offers her family villa in France as a great place for our female heroine to relax, unblock, and get inspired to finish said book. But what we DON’T KNOW—and here’s where it gets really good!—is that handsome Matthew is already there, lounging and sunbathing in the pool! It’s bound to be a spoiled vacation for all!
Jake: Right. And don’t forget that Terry brings her daughter Abby (played beautifully by Emorphia Margaritis), who hates the idea of going away for the summer and leaving her friends behind. She’s kinda fearful of them turning against her because kids can be pretty cruel. So, we could say that all three of the main characters are struggling with confidence and self-esteem for different reasons, but it’s pretty much a uniting theme.
Sir Mallard: Sorry? I was just looking at the pictures of Chef Matthew—or “Chef Cupid,” as he’s better known.
Jake: Played by Victor Webster, by the way. He was excellent.
Sir Mallard: And tall. And with those dark eyes. Do you remember those scenes when he was in the pool?
Jake: Yes.
Sir Mallard: In those short shorts that showed all this workout muscles?
Jake: Anyway, tension is pretty high at first. Matthew does his best to keep away from Terry and Abby, preferring to brood alone. Terry complains about the noise Matthew makes cooking in the kitchen. Abby really just wants to be a 16 year old kid, spend most of her time on social media, and battle with her persistent anxiety—until she decides to explore her own culinary talents. That’s when she and Matthew really start to bond. And it’s through that relationship that both Matthew and Abby learn to enjoy (and, for Matthew, learn to enjoy again) the culinary arts. And if I’m not mistaken, that’s also kind of when Matthew and Terry start falling for one another.
Sir Mallard: Well, it’s certainly when I started falling for Chef Matthew!
Jake: And Terry finishes her book while at the villa, inspired by—.
Sir Mallard: NO SPOILERS, HUMAN! Ducks hate spoilers!
Jake: Okay. Should we mention Matthew’s temporary rival for Terry’s affections, French chef Jean-Luc (a great performance by Jocelin Haas)?
Sir Mallard: Absolutely stunning man, but not nearly as LARGE, DARK, AND MUSCULAR as Chef Cupid, so of course Cupid wins the girl!
Jake: Dude, how is that not a spoiler?
Sir Mallard: Dear Jacob, when has a supporting actor in ANY film ever won the girl in the end?
Jake: I’m sure there’s some.
Sir Mallard: See, now we’re just off topic. This is getting pond-weed sloppy.
Jake: Then let’s just wrap it up. What is your flipper rating for Summer Villa?
Sir Mallard: ALL THE FLIPPERS!
Jake: So that’s five then.
Sir Mallard: FIVE FLIPPERS!
Jake: And how about Diversity Ducks?
Sir Mallard: Oh, dear. Not very many Diversity Ducks. The movie was a stunner, but it could have been more inclusive. Why do all the ducks have to be white?
Jake: And humans. I’m pretty sure nearly all the actors were white, except for the food critic.
Sir Mallard: No, that’s just not enough!
Jake: Agreed. Should we sign off now to prevent further harm to Romancey Pants’ reputation for thoughtful and insightful Hallmark movie reviews?
Sir Mallard: Well, what’s in it for me?
Jake: I’ll put Summer Villa on the TV in the living room and you can watch it all over again.
Sir Mallard: REALLY? Will Chef Cupid be there, too?
Jake: Chef Cupid has no other choice, really.
Sir Mallard: Deal! I’ll just go grab my TV glasses and a bowl of peas.
Jake: Wow. Sounds delicious.
Sir Mallard: Well, get moving, then! I won’t let you shirk on your part of the deal!
Jake: I’d never do that to you. But for everyone reading this, don’t miss out on Summer Villa!
Sir Mallard: (from kitchen) WHERE ARE MY PEAS, BOY!
Jake: ‘Til next time!
At the time of writing, you can watch Summer Villa below (and also 3/27/2024 at 4pm on the Hallmark Channel):
Amazon Prime (via Hallmark Movies Now subscription)
YouTube (via Primetime Subscription)
Featured image and other art by Star Tavares using Hallmark movie images courtesy of Hallmark.
Romancey Pants 
Leave a comment