Duck: Friends, sometimes when you watch a movie like Anyone But You, you wish it was written by a duck or two.
Star: *Clears throat* Interesting. Go on.
Duck: Well, Anyone But You was a quacker-laugh of a movie. My beak-holes got a real tickling. But the non-consensual moments got my flippers in a knot. Would a duck have written such non-consent? I don’t think so. As for two ducks, it’s even less likely.
Star: Ahh. You’re perhaps talking about the moment when Bea (Sydney Sweeney) smacks Ben (Glen Powell) right where it hurts.
Duck: With her flipper! No wait. Her hand! And right after she flirted with him intensely just to make a point. Suddenly, Bea shed the smoldering eyes and hit him right in the duck-marbles. Why is this okay?
World, a quick aside:
Star: You can tell the moment is misogynistic because if that happened the other way around—if he hit her where it hurt—there’d be outcry.
Duck: I had to eat five caramelized goldfish just to get past it. And it’s a shame because caramelized goldfish are ducking expensive. But other than that, this movie is hilarious, vivid, and fast-paced with a super-ducking talented cast. I was paddling through it beak-first, quacker-laughing at every turn.
Star: You know, Duck, sometimes in an enemies-to-lovers type movie, I get a bit impatient. All everyone seems to be doing is fighting, I think to myself, and it’s wearing my flippers thin. But Anyone But You does a masterful job with pacing, and the connection between the protagonists shifts and changes—one minute it’s affectionate, then suddenly, one them’s hurt, then pretty soon they’re both accidentally bobbing in the ocean, lost and confused, and showing their vulnerable selves.
Duck: On the ocean! Like ducks! And in spite of the lack of duck-shaped floaties, the variety in this movie kept my beak-holes glued to the screen.
Star: And the cast! Oh my. There’s a ton of talent here. Powell and Sweeney lead the way with sizzling chemistry, and there are many fantastic comedic performances, including from Ga Ta who played the sweetly hilarious Pete.
Duck: Also bravo to Anyone But You for doing a DUCK of a great job with diversity! There were several performers of color in this cast, and the plot was centered around the marriage of Claudia (Alexandra Shippe) and Halle (Hadley Robinson)—what a big quacker-yayy for LGBTQIA+ visibility!
Star: A ducking good movie. A great movie? Not quite. Was there a subtlety of theming that raised our beak-holes to the sun? Nope. But the Much Ado About Nothing references were fun, the cast was dazzling, and all in all, Anyone But You is a great lazy-day movie to happily wrap your chops around.
Duck: As long as you don’t mind seeing characters hit each other in the duck-marbles.
Star: Yeah, some directors really need to paddle in a better direction.
Duck: Away from people’s marbles. And towards some caramelized goldfish.
Star: Folks, I’d just like to note that ZERO goldfish were killed in the making of this review.
Duck: Star, you say that like it’s a GOOD thing! The beak boggles.
At the time of writing, you can watch Anyone But You here:
Prime Video (rental)
Vudu (rental)
Featured image, designed by Star Tavares, contains a photo courtesy of Rotten Tomatoes (via screenshot).
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